you ugly girl
i always say
i would wish to be beautiful
if i knew how i would pray
all the things it would fix
i could talk without the stares
all the feelings i could ditch
but nobody cares
suck it in
think of new ways to battle
ill never win
this neverending hassle
is it in my genes
will i always be unhappy
thats how it seems
my arms perminetly flappy
i havn't gone too far
but who knows how long ill last
so for now i just get in my car
and try to make these thoughts into the past

do I not know what I want?

I think that i have

inacceptable forgiveness

 

Hear my words

but pretend to forget them

 

See my emotions

but refuse to reesure them

 

Im a time bomb

about to expload

 

Spilling its contents

event to the unknown

 

Forgeting trust

Like a game of phone

 

Standing in a room of people

But feeling all alone 

I found a stack of old journals from the past years... and i read them... and it was weird. It was like i was reading a book, writen by someone who was exactly the same as me. But anyways, i found some quotes that i liked, and i wanted to put them on here even though they're not new or anything... but whatever.

 

"Who justifys how long a day is? Life does not stop when it is dark, we are still living. Waking up wont change anthing from the day before. For once I want to wake up and do back to what i finished off the day before. Like its a crease in a piece of paper, not a perferation... hmmmm..."

 

"i feel like a third wheel in this group of 20 people..."

 

"...when in the end i cant really think of one specific person i would rather be..."

 

"I make up this little fake weird life for myself. Real boys with fake personalitys, exaderated father figures"

 

"its not like anyone can know. Theres no problem. Thinking about something isn't a problem unless you do it."

 

"I think im growing up... but i dont really know..."

 

"All the worlds doing is pushing things onto me that i either suck at or have no control over."

 

"maybe this was the cure to my craziness... with even more side effects"

 

"i try to balance myself out, but evertime i try it seems to tip even farther in the other dirrection. I wish i was stronger"

 

"how do you get stronger when your too weak to life yourself up?"

 

"I wish i knew the answer but im afraid to find out. This wouldn't be something i would get over quickly"

 

"theres only so much a person can handle and im about to find out what happens when you go over that load."

 

"i just want... i dont even know what i want i want"

 

"i was told that hard times come and go... so why isn't this one going?"

 

"I think i let people down. I think i let people down that i don't even think that i know i let down. But in a horrible way i think it made some people happy. for some people they probabbly declared this time one of the best in their lives."

 

"You made me hate something that I once loved so much. So dont say that we need to get over this now. Theres nothing different from then to now. Ill forgive when and where i want to forgive, if ever, and you will not and will never have controll over that."